


Colonel Who?

by Talayse



Series: Nobody Expects the Flagg [5]
Category: Doctor Who, MASH (TV)
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:21:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22565416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talayse/pseuds/Talayse
Summary: Someone let Colonel Flagg let loose in the universe.
Series: Nobody Expects the Flagg [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/279414
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	Colonel Who?

The Doctor suddenly found that his arm had been taken by a rather odd looking woman. Upon closer inspection, the woman turned out to be a man in a rather odd drag ensemble, he hadn't even bothered to shave the day's growth of beard from his chin. 

"We can't talk here," the man dressed a woman growled out.

The Doctor looked around the quietly teeming streets of a charming rustic backwater planet known, oddly enough, as Rust. "Oh?" he questioned mildly as the man led him down the street.

"Too many ears," the man replied, dragging the Doctor into an alley. Coincidentally, it was the same alley that contained the Tardis. The man let go of the Doctor's arm and fished around in his voluminous lace dress.

"Lovely dress," the Doctor said. 

The man looked up briefly, he was also wearing a matching wide brim hat tied with a bow under his bristly chin, "I took it off of a sicko* in Korea. Wasn't his color."

"Can't say it suits you either," the Doctor said as the man authoritatively produced a physic paper wallet.

The man held up the physic paper, "I'm Colonel Flagg, I'm with the Time Agency."

The Doctor leaned forward and examined the physic paper. He'd never seen it display an error message before. "Of course you are," he said.

"I'm looking for the Doctor, you're a known associate of his, where is he?" Flagg asked, restowing the physic paper in what would have been his cleavage, if he had any.

"Am I?" the Doctor asked.

"You are."

"I am?"

"Are you?" Flagg suddenly shone a torch directly in the Doctor's eyes, "Where were you September 22, 1987?"

"Which September 22, 1987?" asked the Doctor.

"Don't try being clever with me, it won't work, I'm immune to cleverness. There's only one September 22, 1987," Flagg said. He flashed the light of the torch down and then back up again, "I said I was looking for the Doctor," Flagg repeated.

"Who?"

"The Doctor."

"In September of 1987?"

Flagg huffed, "That's what I want you to think."

"Is it?" queried the Doctor. "And what do you think?"

"I don't think," Flagg answered. "It only gets in the way."

"That torch certainly does." The Doctor pulled the sonic screwdriver from his pocket and scanned Flagg quickly. The readings were everywhere, it was almost the sonic screwdriver equivalent of an error message.

"What is that?" Flagg asked, pocketing the torch and eyeing the sonic screwdriver like it might go off at any moment.

"Just scanning for bugs, can't be too careful," the Doctor said. 

"Like I said, ears everywhere," Flagg said, his eyes glancing around.

"I'm afraid you've been compromised," the Doctor confided. "The Time Agency sent me ahead to confirm it, you're instructed to return immediately for a full debriefing."

"I'm not really with the Time Agency," Flagg started.

"Aaah, that's what They want you to think," the Doctor said, tapped the side of his nose with the sonic screwdriver in a knowing kind of way.

"Who?"

"They. You don't think you were accidentally compromised, do you Colonel?" The Doctor leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially. "They've been after you for awhile. Eat anything lately?"

Flagg's eyes very nearly bugged out of his head, "I knew there was something suspicious about that oatmeal."

"In my opinion, there's always something suspicious about oatmeal," the Doctor replied. 

"First it's the oatmeal, then it's the gravy," Colonel Flagg confided. He pushed back the sleeve of his dress, revealing a vortex manipulator. He began entering a destination. "You never saw me."

"Of course."

"If you did see me, I'd have to punch out my lights," Flagg said as he hit the last button on the vortex manipulator.

"What an interesting fellow," The Doctor said to himself as he put the key in the Tardis door. "I almost understood what he was saying."

**Author's Note:**

> *The opinion of Col. Flagg is not that of the author, who firmly believes that Klinger went home to Toledo and became a famous designer of women's fashion.


End file.
